Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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