Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
