It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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