for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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