So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
