gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
