Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just cropdusted the office
P.S. I can't hear my feet
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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