we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
