tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
