Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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