You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
