seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
