just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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