Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Two words: blizzard sex
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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