my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
