It's Friday. Sex?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
