I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
