she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
