I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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