Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
