Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
