A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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