in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
