I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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