I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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