Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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