i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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