i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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