Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
