what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
