There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
