I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
