Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize