I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
