My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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