oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
