Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
