I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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