you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Actions speak louder than pants.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
