Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
