Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
