do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
