Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Randomize
