The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
