sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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