I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
