and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
