I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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