i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
