Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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