Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
