We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
