just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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