I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
