how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
