Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
