Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
