they need to just BURY HIM!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize