sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
