I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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