well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
not ubering you a puppy
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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