I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you had me at cake vodka
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
