what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
