she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
