That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
