I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
