I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Come see our sink grown plant.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
