I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
