Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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