Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
