please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
