Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
