remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
