Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
