You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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